INTRO:

We’re Afraid to have Christmas this Year.

VERSE 1:

No big, juicy turkey, no Dream Whip jella.
Why risk botulism, or even salmonella?
Christmas cookies are fattening, I’ll just stick with these,
Pass me another rice cake please,

Drive to the mall to buy presents your say?
But only a fool would leave the driveway,
There’s drunks on the road full of holiday cheer,
And hopped up psycho gangs wearing bandoleers,

The department store Santa may be a nice enough chap,
But my kids aren’t climbing on some stranger’s lap,
And the presents we buy and can’t afford at all,
Will only get stolen before we reach the car,

CHORUS:

Someone save us from ourselves,
We may get mugged by a gang of elves,
How could we be so cavalier?
We’re Afraid to have Christmas this Year,

BRIDGE:

Life should be long, not short and rotten,
We want to live like fancy dishes wrapped up in cotton,
Who could be happy with danger so near?
We’re Afraid to have Christmas this Year,

VERSE 2:

Hey, don’t hang that mistletoe,
That stuff is deadly poison you know,
And leave that old Yule log right there on the lawn,
If there’s a clog in the flue, we’ll all be dead by dawn,

A string of Christmas lights is so merry and bright,
But what will happen if they’re not hooked up right?
The Christmas tree then becomes a ball of flames,
Then who can we sue? Who can we blame?

Watch out! Wrapping paper, you might get cut,
Or you could lose a filling eating that bowl of nuts
Imagine what would happen if an ornament broke – oh!
Razor sharp glass, landing in your cocoa,

Heart attacks, accidents and electrocution,
Robbery, mayhem, what an institution!
With all this danger on Christmas morning,
Shouldn’t there at least be a government warning?

CHORUS:

Someone save us from ourselves,
We may get mugged by a gang of elves,
How could we be so cavalier?
We’re Afraid to have Christmas this Year,
(You mean we’re not going to have Christmas?)
We’re Afraid to have Christmas this Year,
(ohhhh!)

© 1992 Eaglestone Music