I passed through Jesup, Georgia in June, 2004.
All that singing and hard drivin' made my tummy roar.
I stopped at the local diner, stepped up to the door,
I picked out the perfect table, and walked across the spotless floor.

Fried green tomatoes, and sweet potato souffle
Along comes my waitress to pass the time of day.
But she's got ulterior motives. She don't just wanna converse.
She's wiping the stuff on my table, lookin' for a speck of dirt.

CHORUS: She's Wanda the Wiper, quick with a flick of her hand
She's Wanda the Wiper, armed against the germs of man.
She's Wanda the Wiper. Oooooo so spick and span
She'd wipa wipa wipe-away your sins if she could,
But she can't.

My table was gleaming, but she wiped it anyway.
Shined the salt and pepper shakers, and then like a ricochet (boop boop)
She wiped down the catsup, and the bottled barbecue.
Good thing I didn't have a runny nose, cuz she prob'ly woulda wiped that too.

"Obsessive-compulsive", that's what the doctor said.
She just cannot help it. It's deep inside her head.
She's gotta personal vendetta. After all, what could it hurt?
She's gotta to make this world a cleaner place, and her enemy is dirt.

Now I'm headin' homeward. Just look at the dash of my car.
I wonder when I last wiped it? Can't remember back that far.
I'd better go back and see Wanda. Dust mites and mold, beware!
She's the Queen of Antibacteria. So you all oughta be scared.

LAST CHORUS: She's Wanda the Wiper, quick with a flick of her hand
She's Wanda the Wiper, armed against the germs of man.
She's Wanda the Wiper. Dust Mites and Mold, Beware!
She's the Queen of Antibacteria, the Queen of Antibacteria!
The Queen of Antibacteria. And you all oughta be, you all oughta be
You all oughta be scared! Wanda the Wiper!