MENOPAUSE
Words by Vicki Hannah Lein, 
Music by Suzannah Doyle & Vicki Hannah Lein
© 2004 Suzannah Doyle Music

Do you feel little bugs crawling on your body? 
Do you want to disembowel your mate?
Then you’d better deal with being perimenopausal 
before it's way too late.  

Your symptoms might start in your early forties. 
From mild to completely insane.
It’s not just your personal pathology
This beast you really must tame. 	

CHORUS:		Wrap your claws around menopause 
		because it’s gonna happen to you.
		Wrap your claws around menopause 
		or it will wrap its claws around you!

Estrogen, progesterone, too 
in a pill, patch or a cream-
Anything to balance your mood 
to keep you from wanting to scream 

You can call a hot flash a power surge 
but you still get wet.
No matter how many layers you peel off your back 
You’re going to sweat and sweat and sweat! 

CHORUS:		Wrap your claws around menopause 
		because it’s gonna happen to you.
		Wrap your claws around menopause 
		or it will wrap its claws around you!

The doctor says your mood might alter a bit,
but what the hell does he know?
You swing from wanting to cry until your guts stream out 
to tearing the meat from his bones!

Your husband might be very understanding. 
He might even think you’re still cute.
But before he thinks about giving advice,
he'd better just stay mute.  

CHORUS:		Wrap your claws around menopause 
		because it’s gonna happen to you.
		Wrap your claws around menopause 
		or it will wrap its claws around you!
 
BRIDGE 1 (COWBOY STYLE):

		Oh, calm down now-  you’re becoming histrionic.  
		It can’t  be all that bad.
		So sometimes you feel a little bit crabby, 
		and sometimes you feel a little sad.
		It’s just a simple as mind over matter. 
		Think of something pleasant, like dessert!
		You women make such a big deal out of nothing. 
		You cry when you’re not even hurt!   (pause for scathing look)                                       

CHORUS 2:	Wrap your claws around men -then pause. 
		His life’s not worth a plug nickel now
		Wrap your claws around men,   then pause  
		(solo:) His liver will look good  on my wall!

BRIDGE 2 (MADRIGAL STYLE):

		We’re at the  mercy  of  our hormones.
      (Descant part:(We’re --at  -- the - - we’re at the mercy of our hormones)
 		This is just a  scien - tific  fact.
	         (This - is ---just ---a -----This is just a scientific fact.)
		No matter how many encounter groups we go to, 
		  (No matter ---how many ---  No matter how many groups we go to)
		When our hormones are low 
		all our neurosis will show!   So . . . .
			   			     

CHORUS 3:	Wrap your claws around menopause    
		It’s biology, a matter of fate.
		Wrap your claws around menopause  
		don’t linger, start now, don’t wait.

CHORUS 4:	Wrap your claws around menopause 
		because it’s gonna happen to you.
		Wrap your claws around menopause or it will 
		wrap, wrap, wrap, wrap wrap wrap/  
		wrap wrap wrap wrap wrap -- 
		OH CRAP!  CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP    --   CRAP!
		its claws around . . .  you !