The Martha Stewart Gene
By R. Smoler

If you’re lookin’ for a lover
Who’s wrapped around the cover 
Of a seven hundred thread count sheet
Let me tell you straight
I’m no domestic queen
I don’t care about threads in my sack
I ain’t thinkin’ bare on my back
Maybe it’s because I lack
The Martha Stewart Gene

Do you wanna gal who treasures
Rooms to fix for pleasure
Obsessin’ over dos and don’ts?
Why fiddle with design
My chic glows with a shabby sheen
I don’t need a panic attack
Frettin’ bout a knick or a knack
Maybe it’s because I lack
The Martha Stewart Gene

Now honey, I’m a little rough, I don’t even trim my hedges
I may be primitive
But are you gonna give 
A darn if I don’t know what Pledge is


I’m a woman who’s ideal
For a man whose happy meal
Ain’t fancy, fussin’ recipes
But my daily platter sizzles
I’m  never lean on my cuisine
Now I’m looking for a hungry Jack
Who don’t eat pate for a snack
Baby you won’t mind I lack
The Martha Stewart Gene

Now easy entertaining
Is relative to my occasion
E might equal MC square
But do you really care
As long as fun is in the equation

So hurry, come on over
I’m not a wondrin rover
I really want to settle down
We’ll watch the news and laugh
About her latest courtroom scene
Don’t need a mansion on a cul-de-sac
I need a lovin’ man here in my shack
Baby, you’ll be glad I lack
The Martha Stewart Gene