I’m a Hollywood star and you all know my name
I’ve made a lot of movies I’ve got fortune and fame
I woke up this morning and I just felt like playing
A little horsey action if you know what I’m saying
Had a cup of coffee with two shots of Jack
Thought it might bring me good luck at the track
Figured I would need a whole load of cash
So I went to the safe and hit me up the old stash
Said goodbye to my maid Rosalita
And pointed my Ferrari to Santa Anita.

Lord have mercy I got no self-control
Been that way since I was five years’ old
This is how I always get myself in a hole, I’ve got no self-control.

A funny thing happened on the way to the track
Two beauties rolled up in a red Cadillac.
They were smiling at me so I gave them a wink
And they said “Hey, how’d you like to go for a drink?”
Before I knew it I was throwing down shots
Doing dirty dancing, we were all getting hot
One turned to me and said “What the hell,
Why don’t we all go to a motel.”
One’s name was Sue and the other was Rita
And there’s no way I was Making it to Santa Anita.

Lord have mercy I got no self-control
Been that way since I was five years’ old
This is how I always get myself in a hole, I’ve got no self-control.

So we got us a room but it wasn’t much fun
Rita knew karate and Sue had a gun
They kicked me around and took all my cash
Pistol whipped me and left quite a gash
When I came to the press had arrived
I Told them I was lucky to have survived
I tried to spin it as best as I could
But they knew my reputation and it didn’t look good 
I said this time I really learned my lesson
Staring down the barrel of a Smith and Wesson

But the headlines read he’s got no self-control
Lured by two girls and knocked out cold
This time he really got himself in a hole
He’s got no self-control