'Twas just about a week before Christmas day
Hearing all about Santa and his sleigh
And as a nine-year-old boy I just wasn't buying it
I figured Mom and Dad slipped out on pay day
Scored a bunch of toys and stashed them away
And my mission in life was to go about finding them

With my two big brothers and my two big sisters
Going about their silly little business
I began my search from room to room
I hit the mother lode up in the attic
My heart was racing like a baby rabbit
Like Indiana Jones in the temple of doom

On my treasure hunt
Christmas presents are what I want

With a pile of presents in front of my face
Everything began to fall into place
Like some twisted Christmas dream
Feeling just about five years older
When I felt a hand upon my shoulder
So scared I couldn't even scream

On my treasure hunt
Christmas presents are what I want

Feeling part genius and part loser
I slowly turned to face my accuser
To look him right between the eyes
I couldn't believe what happened next
I was staring into some fat man's chest
It was Santa Claus, just him and I

He said he didn't do the chimney no more
It left all dirty and nasty and sore
And one night delivery? There's just no way
Could I keep a secret from my brothers and sisters
And act surprised when I opened my presents?
Twas a whole week before Christmas day

On my treasure hunt
Christmas presents are what I want