I look at life stretched out in front of me
All I see is opportunity
If I could only figure out
What I’m gonna be when I grow up.

I tried workin’in the oil fields
Couldn’t stand the way it made me feel
Gettin’ that black stuff all up my nose
And all over my fancy clothes,
I kept findin’ it on my clothes

Well, I tried white-collar crime
But I couldn’t cut the math
I tried the clergy but I couldn’t find the path
And by the time I figure out
How to work the internet
Disney prob’ly will a’ bought and ruined it

I know I gotta find the way I’m gonna go
And by this time I guess I oughta know
And if I don’t, I better figure out
What I’m gonna do when I grow up
If it ever happens
That I grow up.

I got this friend that plays rock ‘n roll guitar, ya know,
Gets to sleep late every day and spend his life in bars
And the girls, they all wiggle when he bangs that thing and shouts
Maybe my friend can help me out
Maybe some guitar lessons would help me out.

(Interlude: “The Guitar Lesson”)

I keep getting these unsolicited letters
From the Double-A-R-P
You know I’m just a young man. What’s this got to do with me?
Then I see McCartney on the cover of their monthly magazine
And I think I know what that means,
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I know what that means.


Hi. Mom, it’s me.  Yeah, I know it’s late,
But I got some news, and I think it’s pretty great
I think I finally figured out 
What I’m gonna do when I grow up. 
Don’t cry, mama.
What I’m gonna do when I grow up.

I’m gonna retire.

“Son, could you just move that lawn chair over into the shade for me.  The sun keeps movin’.  And while you’re up maybe you could freshen up that gin and tonic for me. That’s a good lad”.